Member-only story
Why Women Moan and Make Sounds During Sex
If she does this, she probably loves you.
I grew up in a conservative home. My mum and I would discuss anything but sex. I was raised to believe sex was a taboo only meant for married folks.
When I had my first boyfriend, I hide it from my mum. She believed that men were only interested in women for sex. So she warned me to never pay attention to men who aren’t forward with a marriage proposal.
Exploring my sexuality was met with shame and my insecurities grew within those walls.
Culture and religion makes sex look bad. We are told “to not have sex until we are married” — that sex isn’t enjoyable until you’re married. If you like sex, you’re not a “good person.”
Like many young girls, the shame around sex was the reason I withheld sex from my first boyfriend and I felt pressured whenever he raised the topic.
At first, it started out as innocent encouragement to take the next step, then it grew to health issue. He said not getting his sperm out made him sick.
I bought his lies.
As the pressure continued, I gave my consent, but inside I felt like I needed to hurry and give in to his wishes, if not, I would lose him.
The shame and guilt about sex can be detrimental to a girl’s self-esteem. It’s an abusive behavior and should be a clue that she is not respected in the relationship.
To gain control over our sexuality, it’s important to explore our feelings about sex.
How sex feels for women
The first time I had sex was anything but exciting. I was tensed throughout and I kept asking “is it in?” “is it over?”
The second and third time were no different. It took me a while to get comfortable being naked in front of a man. Though my boyfriend was a bit mature and gentle, sex with him felt like a duty I owed him.
When I finally got comfortable with my sexuality, the thrill was inexplicable.
I wanted to have sex on the hour. I wanted sex everywhere, in bathroom, in the kitchen, or in his father’s car, and I didn’t care who was watching.
